drawing by Ian McKay Hansen
Shame is not a character defect. How I respond to shame might be. I might go away and hide, or maybe I’ll think obsessively about the incident, or try to please the person who triggered the shame, get that person to like me or approve of me. When I do any of those things, I am not practicing self-love. What would be a more loving way to respond?
I’m exploring these questions now with a tender small group. We talk about shame and explore our responses to it. If in my typical response to shame I feel the need to hide, okay, I give myself permission to go ahead and hide under the virtual table or bed. I’ll come out when I feel stronger and safer. Maybe I can approach the situation or person that triggered that shame response in me and explain that I felt misunderstood by so-and-so’s reaction. Certainly, this is difficult to do and challenging, but such an act is also filled with self-love and compassion and gives the other person a chance to respond with compassion as well.
I would love to hear your thoughts in the comments below. What are your shame moments? What causes them? How do you deal with them?
Let’s share and help one another.
Love,
Polly
The Path
I know the path: it is straight and narrow.
It is like the edge of a sword.
I rejoice to walk on it.
I weep when I slip.
God’s word is:
“He who strives never perishes.”
I have implicit faith in that promise.
Though, therefore, from my weakness
I fail a thousand times,
I shall not lose faith.
--Mahatma Gandhi