Seeking Approval

I wonder if the need for other people’s approval is a former survival coping mechanism. Maybe we needed approval from the group in pre-historic times because without it we might be kicked out and not be able to survive on our own. But today, if you’re an adolescent girl and don’t wear Uggs will you be ostracized? Yes! By some groups of girls, yes. It hurts like mad. Because it is mad, but you will survive. Or does a part of you die? I don’t know. The meanness of others can cause us to shrivel.

The need for approval is so ingrained in all of us. And if we rebel against the status quo, we find others to rebel with us, like I did as a teen. I found a group of adults that I could feel accepted by. But they were a lot older than me by more than ten years and yet I hung out with them. It was not healthy for me. It was damaging because I was too young. I didn’t have the support and guidance from my parents that I needed and so I floundered trying to find what I wanted, what was right for me.

Today I still struggle with wanting approval. Is what I say and do okay? It’s my impulse to want to be accepted and acceptable. I might not “heart” a Twitter feed if a lot of other people don’t like it, even if I like it. But rather than let other peoples’ opinion be my standard, I strive to seek approval of myself. Myself and my Higher Power. That’s who I really need approval from. All the rest is meaningless when you come right down to it. My soul doesn’t depend on your approval or my mother’s approval, but when I was little, it sure did. And that’s difficult to shake as we grow older. The habit of seeking approval of others.

So I will strive to be gentle with myself. To accept who I am today even if that means I engage in approval seeking. Maybe I will change over time. I already have in many ways.