When we are born, some of us arrive in situations where the people tending us don’t have the proper wherewithal to do so. Even if they have the money, they might not have the emotional intelligence it takes to properly care for little ones. It seems particularly cruel to these poor, defenseless little darlings. How does God let it happen?
Perhaps my thinking about God is all wrong. I’m sure it is, for the God I know is loving and kind. So, why then was I, and so many others of us, born to spectacularly inept parents? My mom and dad fed and clothed us and snuggled with us and read us stories, imbued me and my siblings with a love of culture – music, poetry, philosophy, but let us go wild, basically, with very little supervision. My brother, sister and I got into all sorts of trouble – heroin for my brother, dropping out of high school and running away for my sister, and then returning home at the age of 17 with a twenty-three-year-old boyfriend she was allowed to sleep with under our roof. And then there was me, getting into a relationship with a twenty-five-year-old at age 14, and my parents doing nothing to stop it even after they learned about it. And then, of course, there’s my leaving home at age 15, turning 16 on the road and getting my mom to send me a notarized letter saying, “My daughter, age 16, has my permission to travel unaccompanied.” With that letter I crossed the border into Canada with my own 23-year-old boyfriend. (I’d left the other one behind but would come back to him later.)
“Swim! Because I won’t save you!”
This mess took quite a bit of time to unravel. And with God’s help it stays unraveled, in a good way. It seems like God drops us into creation and says, “Swim! Because I won’t save you!” Only, She does save us. We learn the tools we need to survive, things like, “What you think of me is none of my business so I will not cater to your whims and desires.” We learn, finally, to take good care of ourselves, and in so doing, we start to have compassion for others. We learn to be kind and considerate, but without giving up our values and dignity.
Being an awakened, conscious soul is delicate work. It means walking a fine line that requires awareness, discipline and balance. I get a lot of help from my friends keeping my head on straight and my heart open and willing to accept life on life’s terms. This means asking for help when I need it, and accepting that I can’t change the world, only me. It means taking the good with the bad, the joy with the pain, the anger with the ecstasy, and not judging any of it. Just living it. Being it, and being grateful, stupendously grateful for all of it.
If life really is eternal, if we have all eternity to learn who or what God is, then what does it matter if we’re born to incompetent parents, even abusive ones? We have forever to figure this out. Isn’t that wonderful? I don’t know about you, but it gives me a sense of serenity and peace knowing that I’m always going to be okay no matter what.
If you want what visible reality can give, you're an employee. If you want the unseen world, you're not living your truth. Both wishes are foolish, but you'll be forgiven for forgetting that what you really want is love's confusing joy. Gamble everything for love, if you're a true human being. If not, leave this gathering. Half-heartedness doesn't reach into majesty. You set out to find God, but then you keep stopping for long periods at mean-spirited roadhouses. In a boat down a fast-running creek, it feels like trees on a bank are rushing by. What seems to be changing around us is rather the speed of our craft leaving this world. "Gamble Everything for Love" -- Rumi from the