I make mistakes. I will continue to make mistakes. That’s how I learn and grow. Making mistakes doesn’t mean I’m a bad person. But recently my actions upset someone so much that they considered backing out of the project we were working on together.
I admire this person greatly, so her impulse to quit hurt a great deal and triggered old messages — that I was a bad person — headstrong, impulsive, inconsiderate, rash, and immature. I spent hours a day second guessing myself, cringing at what I had done, wondering how I could fix the situation. How could I fix her opinion of me? And then wondering, was my mistake so terrible?
In the end, I realized that even if sometimes I am all those things and someone needs to rethink their relationship with me, that is their choice. It hurts and I am sorry for it, but my relationship with me matters most of all.
No matter how much someone else’s opinion of me or reaction to me may hurt, I must trust in my goodness.
Before asking this person if she’d like to work with me on this project, I prayed about it, asking God if it was a good idea. I got the green light, so to speak. This whole situation has been a wonderful opportunity for me to learn that no matter how much someone else’s opinion of me or reaction to me may hurt, I must trust in my goodness. I hope I never again think such thoughts about myself — that I am bad. It’s been a valuable lesson to realize I’m still capable of them, especially as I step into public life sharing my innermost thoughts here and in various publications.
I call on Athena and Archangel Michael to protect me from the arrow stings of others, and the inner barbs of my own heart and mind. I endeavor to be my own greatest friend.
In the end, all I could do was say to this person, “I’m sorry. Yes, I was anxious and perhaps I acted rashly. I will do my best not to let it happen again.” As it stands we’re still working on the project together, so I’m guessing that’s my answer. I have forgiven myself. Now I must forgive her for thinking she couldn’t bear to work with me. I pray for us both. We all make mistakes.
"The ultimate lesson all of us have to learn is unconditional love, which includes not only others but ourselves as well." -- Elisabeth Kübler-Ross