Newsweek published my personal essay this week, “I Hated Myself for What I Did — Then Realized I Was Trafficked.”
The first mistake I made after it was published was reading the comments. Two trolls attacked me personally, saying vile things I won’t repeat here. I thought of replying, finger poised over the submit button, saying I wrote the article for kids still suffering on the streets, you morons. I didn’t, and instead ruminated for twenty-four hours over whether I should have written the article.
And yet, there was another comment applauding my bravery and advocacy. Did I give that comment as much of my attention? No, I did not. That’s a common phenomenon. Why is that? Why focus on the negative rather than the positive?
Because I was experiencing what researchers call the “negativity bias.”
Why do we focus on the negative rather than the positive?
Apparently, it’s an evolutionary mechanism that allowed early humans to learn from negative outcomes and thus avoid certain situations in the future. In other words, attention to negativity enhances our adaptability and survival.
Still obsessing, I finally sought out my Twitter #WritingCommunity for support. Sure enough, friends bolstered my confidence and cheered me on, saying don’t pay attention to those losers. One friend (thanks, Elizabeth!) even sent me this quote:
“If you are not in the arena getting your ass kicked on occasion, I am not interested in or open to your feedback. There are a million cheap seats in the world today filled with people who will never be brave with their own lives, but will spend every ounce of energy they have hurling advice and judgement at those of us trying to dare greatly. Their only contributions are criticism, cynicism, and fear-mongering. If you’re criticizing from a place where you’re not also putting yourself on the line, I’m not interested in your feedback.” — Brené Brown
I love you, Brené!
What this negative experience has taught me is: 1) Don’t read the comments, 2) There are a lot of sick people out there who want you to remain docile and silent, and 3) My story is important and just might help to move the dial towards ending youth homelessness. I think that’s worth tolerating hecklers.
Now, where to submit my next personal essay to?
zhttps://www.ihealthunifiedcare.com/articles/the-negativity-bias-why-our-minds-focus-on-the-negative