Month: September 2023

Our 40^th wedding anniversary celebration started with bickering. Was the entire weekend doomed?

My husband and I like each other and have a good time together, but during the long weekend celebration in Charleston, SC, I noticed we were bickering quite a bit. It left a bad taste in my mouth. I didn’t like the feel of this rancor and wanted to do something about it.

I was about to say, “We’re arguing with each other a lot.” Instead, and thankfully, at the last moment, I switched the focus to myself. “I notice I’m arguing with you a lot. I’m sorry about that. I’m going to try to do better.”

Bill said, “I was thinking the same thing about myself. I’m sorry too.”

The adage, “Let it begin with me,” had come to my rescue.

It took a while for each of us to adjust our attitudes before the mild bickering dissolved. Eventually we got back on track and enjoyed ourselves and each other’s company. The rest of the weekend went smoothly.

That slogan, “Let it begin with me,” is a good one.

Is my behavior completely irreproachable?

Anytime I’m feeling resentful or irritated with someone, I can take an emotional pause and reflect on my own behavior instead of someone else’s. Is my behavior completely irreproachable? If not, then I need to make an attitude adjustment and correct my ways. It keeps the focus on me, which is the only person I can change.

A dose of humility goes a long way towards harmony.

That’s a smart thing to remember because no one is perfect. And why would you want the burden of perfection anyway? Accepting my own faults makes it easier to forgive someone for having theirs.

We had a lovely 40th wedding anniversary celebration. As long as we each continue to treat ourselves and each other like this, I wouldn’t mind spending another 40 years together.

How to feel happy, solid, free-spirited, and grounded in the moment? Follow your heart’s impulses without judgement or hesitation and experience blessings, even simple ones. At a recent fundraiser, the speaker said, “Close your eyes. Think what you’re grateful for, then share it with the person sitting next to you.” I turned to the woman on my right and said, “I’m grateful for you.” It just slipped out. A perfect stranger. Her eyes teared up.

My sentiment was genuine. In that moment I was so grateful to be where I was, surrounded by committed, involved, caring people. In saying those spur-of-the-moment words, I felt connected to her on an intimate, vulnerable level. And, thankfully, I didn’t feel weird or self-conscious. I felt happy, solid, free-spirited, and grounded in the moment.

I felt connected to her on an intimate, vulnerable level

At evening’s end, she leaned over, squeezed my shoulder, and said, “Thank you. It was so wonderful to have met you.” I don’t know if we’ll ever meet again, but seeing as how we live in a relatively small town and seem to run in the same circles, I imagine we may. It’s sure to be a welcome encounter.

I love being taken by surprise by my own heart. That moment was such a gift to us both. When we allow Spirit to move through us we experience Grace–the unfolding of unexpected blessings.

Vulnerability is key to our intimacy, as is staying present and checking in with one another

And by the way, my husband, Bill, and I recently celebrated our 40th wedding anniversary. He is still my best friend. We work at it. Vulnerability is key to our intimacy, as is staying present and checking in with one another. Sometimes, with work and other passions, we get distracted. It’s easy to become separated in our day-to-day lives. If either of us is not available when the other needs or wants our attention, we apologize, saying, “I can’t right now.” We make plans to pay attention or have fun together later. A round of rummy or a game of Scrabble, or a lingering conversation after dinner. These simple things bring us back together. As does white water rafting down the Nantahala!