The journey to intimacy with others is fraught with detours and danger zones and so worth navigating through them. If we can get through painful conversations without turning away, we may get to the other side feeling worthy, heard, cherished, and loved.
In our recent Lotus Group: Talking About Shame, one member used trigger words that were very hurtful to other members. We talked about the feelings of shame and anger for us personally around those words. It was uncomfortable. One member wanted to leave and never come back, but that member stayed. We talked about our shame in the moment, that very real, very present current feeling amongst us.
In the end, no one turned away. People felt heard and seen and came back the following week. For these conversations are all about deep connections to one another, connection to life in the moment, and for me, a deep faith and trust in God. I believe that’s what God wants for us, to be present, to show up as who we are in difficult times for one another, to help each other through the morass of our pain, some of it shared. This is how we change the world.
I don’t have all the answers and only know what is right for me. How I feel is most likely how others are feeling as well. I base group safety on guidance from Spirit and sharing guidelines, like using “I” statements as much as possible and gentle reminders when the vague, general “you” is used, by requesting that participants refrain from frequent swearing, by using respectful and caring language even when describing a painful experience (it can be done), by not using graphic details that may be triggering and painful to others. This, too, is possible.
The group felt shame, but we worked through it. We were there for one another, and we were there the following week, too.
And we can be there for you. Join us.
You Are That As by knowing one lump of clay, dear one, We come to know all things made out of clay— That they differ only in name and form, While the stuff of which all are made is clay; As by knowing one gold nugget, dear one, We come to know all things made out of gold— That they differ only in name and form, While the stuff of which all are made is gold. As by knowing one tool of iron, dear one, We come to know all things made of iron— So through spiritual wisdom, dear one, We come to know that all of life is one. As bees suck nectar from many a flower And make their honey one, so that no drop Can say, “I am from this flower or that,” All creatures, though one, know not they are that One. There is nothing that does not come from her. of everything she is the inmost Self. She is the truth; she is the Self supreme. You are that, dear one; you are that. As the rivers flowing east and west Merge in the sea and become one with it, Forgetting they were ever separate streams, So do all creatures lose their separateness When they merge at last into pure Being. There is nothing that does not come from him. Of everything he is the inmost Self He is the truth; He is the Self supreme. You are that, dear one; you are that! --The Chandogya Upanishad