What people think of me is none of my business. And most times, they’re not thinking of me at all. To think that I consume other peoples’ thoughts is the inverse of an inflated ego—it is a deflated one. Today, I live with independence of spirit where I no longer fret about what goes on in other peoples’ heads.
For example, the other day I was walking my two black dogs who look like small bears on leashes on a secluded, twisty road in my neighborhood when around the bend comes a speeding SUV. Being near the middle of the road, I didn’t know which side to take, left or right, and did a little dance as if dodging bullets. A middle-aged woman was driving with her window down. Whereas I gave an apologetic smile as she flew past, she scowled at me as if my dithering in the middle of the road was a huge offense.
Did she hate me?
I resumed walking but kept her in my thoughts, feeling chagrined about my behavior. What right had I to take up the road like that? Did she hate me? And then I caught myself and laughed. Her angry expression had nothing to do with me. She was probably already having a bad day, which was likely why she was speeding. I wished she might have a more pleasant afternoon and put her out of my thoughts.
Even with people I know, their thoughts are none of my business.
At the end of a small Twelve-Step meeting, four of us in attendance, one member stood to leave early. She hugged the two members nearest her, but not me. A box containing literature stood at the center of our small circle blocking her way to me. As she left, leaving me hug-less, I patted her shoulder goodbye as she fled. That’s how it felt–that she was fleeing. To avoid hugging me. Was it something I said? Had I triggered her in some way? After reviewing my behavior, I decided it was none of my business, and if it did involve me, she would let me know. I let go.
I have learned to accept who I am with equanimity
In the past, I might have called the woman on the phone and said, “I was very hurt that you left without giving me a hug, that you hugged the other two women. I felt left out.” That may be true, but I am a more confident person now. I am powerless over the actions and reactions of other people. Besides, it’s her right not to hug me if she doesn’t feel like it. She owes me nothing.
We needn’t take offense
Everyone is on a journey. We needn’t take offense at every little slight that causes momentary pain. And in this case that’s what it was, momentary, fleeting, and one of curiosity more than anything else.
I like this woman who left in a rush and am just getting to know her and she me. At present, I feel at peace with myself and confident that my higher power will let me know if I need to examine myself for any characteristics that hurt her unnecessarily. Over the years of examining my own actions, I have learned to accept who I am with equanimity, which means I am able to do the same for others.
To learn about my memoir A Minor, Unaccompanied, click here: https://pollyhansen.com/nasty-girl/