My husband and I were sitting down to watch Heartland, the Canadian show about a family of horse ranchers, when I mentioned I forgot to buy napkins.
“You did what? How could you forget? I wrote them on the list!”
“Yeah, well, I was in a hurry to get the shopping done.”
“Goddamn it!”
“How dare you yell at me?!”
We stared at each other. I felt like leaving the room, but that’s what I would have done in the old days, walked out, slammed the front door and stormed around the block, which is a fine way to de-escalate. Only here there was nothing that needed de-escalating because I have learned to not walk away and instead bear momentary emotional discomfort and stick with the situation.
We’re both too old to hold grudges
“I’m sorry,” he said. “I’m being unreasonable.”
“Damn straight you are.” I stared at him. And that was that.
I even laughed a little, glad we could get on with our show.
We’re both too old to hold grudges over such things anymore. And besides, it’s rare for us to yell at one another these days. It kind of took me by surprise. But after forty-one years of marriage I’ve learned to stick up for myself.
Except that I didn’t let go. Later in the evening I asked, “Is there anything else going on.”
He looked at me, piqued again. “Just because I got annoyed you forgot the napkins? No, I just needed an attitude adjustment. You don’t expect me to be perfect all the time, do you?”
I saw his point. People get annoyed with each other, maybe act unreasonably once in a while; I sure do. It passes. No big deal. Make an apology, accept an apology, and move on.