My husband and I hug each other at least twice a day. Sometimes, if I get up before him, it might be afternoon before we’ll look at each other and say, I don’t think we’ve hugged yet! We fall into each other’s arms and stand there a while, stroking and swaying, nestling into one another and feeling safe and loved.
We haven’t always been like this. There was a time several years ago when I couldn’t bear for him to touch me. I was angry with him. Enraged, actually. I was envious of my son’s studio apartment and wanted one just like it, one where I could be alone and lick my wounds.
But when I thought about leaving Bill, I knew that’s not what I wanted. We bristled in each other’s company for a good long while, like a few years, before my feelings started to change. I realized I still loved him and did not want to live without him.
Hugs are a sign of trust and vulnerability.
We learned how to be honest and vulnerable with one another. To let go of trying to control one another. To live and let live. To let go and let God.
Hugs with my husband are like vitamins. They make me feel stronger. Sure, there are moments when we don’t feel like hugging, so we don’t. Those moments are rare, but we honor them. And I think that’s why we grow into wanting them again because we respect ourselves individually and each other.
Hugs are a sign of trust and vulnerability. That’s what makes a marriage work. That’s what makes hugs deliciously revitalizing and sweet. I give you my tender parts, and I accept yours.
Hugs are like prayers. They remind us that we are not alone. Not isolated. Not abandoned. We are united in this world, heart and soul. I pray that you have someone to hug like that; if not, have faith that you will.
I have given each being a separate and unique way of seeing and knowing and saying that knowledge.
What seems wrong to you is right for him.
What is poison to one is honey to someone else….
Say whatever
and however your loving tells you to. Your sweet blasphemy
is the truest devotion. Through you a whole world
is freed.
— Rumi, from Moses and the Shepherd. “The Essential Rumi,” translated by Coleman Barks