My husband and I went on a five-mile hike in the mountains this weekend. The rocky trail didn’t look too difficult, so we didn’t bring our hiking poles. That was a mistake. The terrain rose steadily over two and a half miles and the going was more difficult than we anticipated, but not horrible.
We stopped three quarters of the way at a gorgeous mountain swimming hole where I took a dip in the frigid water. After lunch we climbed another half mile then turned back, not sure how much further the waterfall we kept hearing about was.
Mouse Creek swimming hole via Big Creek Trail near Waynesville, NC.
To take my mind off how tired I was, I started reminiscing about when and how we met. It was at a group therapy session held by a psychologist who had been abusive to us both. I was eighteen at the time, my to-be husband was seventeen.
“I remember I was wearing a green and blue striped wrap-around skirt I got a re-sale shop and held together with a funky rhinestone pin.”
“I don’t remember,” he said.
“Why would you? It was so ugly!”
“How did you find Tyrell?”
“At first I went through the Yellow Pages looking for psychologists and when they asked how I would pay and I said I couldn’t, they all said sorry. Then I remembered my brother had seen Tyrell and loved him.”
“Yeah, I thought he was this cool guy at first. Until I didn’t.”
Tyrell started being physically, emotionally and psychologically abusive to many of his clients, unless you were on his goody-goody list, which Bill and I weren’t. We were “hiding” our emotions. We were “fake.” I was a “spoiled brat,” and though I’d been raped, I was “a cock tease.”
Mistakes over the decades due to poor judgement
The cramp in my left foot was getting worse. I stopped to take a rest, bend over and stretch the tightness in the small of my back.
“God, we were babies back then. It’s amazing we survived. We’ve been together for so long. Forty years is a long time,” I said, straightening.
“Forty-one,” my husband corrected me as we started hiking again.
“Forty-two, if you count the year we lived together.”
We’ve made plenty of mistakes over the decades due to poor judgement, like deciding we didn’t need the hiking poles when we did. But we’ve survived and thrived because we’ve accepted the challenges and bent with the changes. We continue to make room for change in each other and in ourselves.
And we keep learning from our experiences.
Next time, even if the path looks relatively easy, I’ll bring my hiking poles just in case. I can always use the added support and appreciate how much easier they make the journey.
I’ve learned to accept help. The ability to recognize when I need it is wisdom.