When I was suffering and at my worst as a mother of two small children, I once consulted the I Ching, an ancient Chinese divination tool that imparts spiritual wisdom and sage advice. It gave me the admonition to pray and meditate, implying that those endeavors would go a long way toward solving my problems and the anguish in my heart.
Meditate? I don’t have time to do that! I want answers now! (You know, like that old joke, “Dear God, grant me patience now, damn it!”)
I decided instead that I needed a walk in the woods. I craved a hit of nature, and believed I hadn’t spent enough time in it. So, I took my kids into the forest, and, as they were not pleased and were tired, and would much rather sit down and not budge, I screamed at a tree until my throat was raw, furious that God was not helping me!
I wanted immediate answers, immediate soothing, immediate solutions
Just like my kids, I had plenty of tantrums in those days, which did nothing to soothe my battered heart. (Let alone my kids–poor dears!) I wanted immediate answers, immediate soothing, immediate solutions.
But it had taken me years to get to where I was — angry, sad, dissatisfied, and I was pouting in a horrible way. That’s not to say I wasn’t genuinely sad and depressed and in a bad state. I was.
I craved a hit of nature…
What I’m saying is that if I had tolerated sitting in prayer and meditation faithfully everyday, even if for just for five minutes at a time, I am certain I would have found a way out of my darkness a lot sooner than I did.
Instead, I isolated and stewed and shared my postpartum depression with no one, least of all my husband or other women friends, so ashamed was I of not being able to cope with motherhood. Back in those days, I was crippled by the stigma of mental illness and would not admit to anyone I suffered from it.
Brooke Shields, Reese Witherspoon, Carey Mulligan
Today, the stigma of mental illness has lessened thanks in part to countless brave celebrities and authors who have gone public: Brooke Shields, Reese Witherspoon, Carey Mulligan, to name a few. I was severely depressed and wish I had admitted it sooner. Kudos to all those individuals who recognize their mental illness and who seek treatment.
And while treatment from mental health professionals is essential, prayer and meditation also help.
Dwell, O Mind, within yourself;
Enter no other’s home.
If you but seek there, you will find
All you are searching for.
God, the true Philosopher’s Stone,
Who answers every prayer,
Lies hidden deep within your heart,
The richest gem of all.
How many pearls and precious stones
Are scattered all about
The outer court that lies before
The chamber of your heart!
–A Song of Sri Ramakrishna