When I was suffering and at my worst as a mother of two small children, I once consulted the I Ching, an ancient Chinese divination tool that imparts spiritual wisdom and sage advice. It gave me the admonition to pray and meditate, implying that that would go a long way toward solving my problems and the anguish in my heart.
Meditate? I don’t have time to do that! I want answers now! (You know, like that old joke, “Dear God, give me patience now!”)
I decided instead that I needed a walk in the woods. I decided I sorely needed a hit of nature, and that I hadn’t spent enough time in it. So I took my kids into the forest, and, as they were not pleased and were tired, and would much rather sit down and not budge, I screamed at a tree until my throat was raw, furious that God was not helping me!
I had plenty of tantrums in those days, which did nothing to soothe my battered heart. I wanted immediate answers, immediate soothing, immediate solutions.
But it had taken years for me to get to where I was — angry, sad, dissatisfied, and I was pouting in a horrible way. That’s not to say I wasn’t genuinely sad and depressed and in a bad state. I was.
What I’m saying is that if I had tolerated sitting in prayer and meditation faithfully everyday, even if for just for five minutes at a time, I am certain I would have found a way out of my darkness a lot sooner than I did.
Dwell, O Mind, within yourself;
Enter no other’s home.
If you but seek there, you will find
All you are searching for.
God, the true Philosopher’s Stone,
Who answers every prayer,
Lies hidden deep within your heart,
The richest gem of all.
How many pearls and precious stones
Are scattered all about
The outer court that lies before
The chamber of your heart!
–A Song of Sri Ramakrishna
