My son came for Christmas this year. We sat on the front stoop in the warm sunshine (I live in Asheville, NC). I don’t remember how we got onto the topic of transgender women on sports teams. I said I thought it was unfair to the biological cis women on the team because a transgender woman was naturally stronger than a cis woman and placed any opposing team without a transgender woman at a disadvantage.
He said, “How about the basketball player Yao Ming who’s unusually tall? Is that unfair to other teams?”
“No,” I said.
“How is that any different from a trans woman being stronger than a biological woman?”
Uneven abilities among team members is common
I hadn’t thought of that. There are plenty examples of uneven abilities among same biologically gendered team members. Someone might be bigger and stronger than another team member. Just look at football. Defensive linemen are big heavy guys unlike the lighter physiques of quarter backs. Is that unfair? No, of course not. So how is a transgender woman being stronger than a cis woman any different my son wanted to know?
I came to the conclusion that it wasn’t.
Then we talked about J.K. Rowling and her beliefs regarding gender. I admitted I sympathized with her statement that a trans woman isn’t a woman biologically because she doesn’t have a uterus and can’t get pregnant. Same with a trans man. He can’t impregnate anyone.
“But does that make her any less a woman?” my son wanted to know.
“You know the character in the animated film WALL-E? What gender is that robot?” he asked.
“Male.”
“Right, and he has a girlfriend who you would call female, but do either of them have genitals?”
“Oh,” I said. “Right. No.”
In other words, gender identity has nothing to do with genitals. Not having a uterus or penis doesn’t make you any less female or male.
Why conflate violence and self-protection with masculinity?
That conversation made me reconsider a book review I’d written about a transgender woman. In the book she resorts to violence to protect herself and her staff. Then, a transgender man suddenly becomes self-confident once he commits murder. In my review I wrote “So, violence makes the man?” My son said no. It worked for those two characters in the book. But why conflate violence and self-protection with masculinity? Who says women can’t be strong and protect themselves?
It was a mind-altering conversation I was grateful to have, especially with my son who I hadn’t seen in person for a year and a half. It made me realize how important getting together in person more often with him is to say nothing of appreciating more deeply gender identity. That someone would be willing to change their body to conform with who they are as a person despite the prejudice out there–that’s a strong conviction. It doesn’t put any team at an advantage or disadvantage.
I vowed to visit my son sooner next year. Thanks for having that conversation with me, Ian. I love you.