A young friend called asking for advice saying she was full of anxiety and didn’t know what to do. She had fled to her parents’ house after a fight with her husband. I asked whether she had done that before—fled to her parents. Yes, numerous times, she said.
“And does that work? Is it helpful?”
“No.”
“I believe that is the definition of insanity. Doing the same thing over and over, hoping for a different outcome.”
She paused, taking that statement in.
“Do you feel unsafe with your husband?” I asked.
“Oh, no,” she said.
And then she figured out on her own what she needed to do, which was to go home and deal with the pain rather than run from it.
Scientists run experiments repeatedly to do just exactly that—to get the same results in order to prove that their theorem is correct. It truly is insanity when we do the same thing over and over hoping for something different to happen.
Finding Clarity
So often we get so close to a thing we can’t see it. I’m glad my friend called me. I could see clearly what the issue was and simply asked her the right questions.
That’s what a good editor does–cuts through the confusion to arrive at clarity. I need one of those. I feel like I’m running in circles with my memoir. Someday, I hope you’ll get to read it. My message is, don’t take what happens to you in life personally. It has no bearing on your value and worth. Your dignity, psyche and heart may be bruised. It takes time to face that pain and sort it out. But running away from pain never works. You must stay in the trenches and deal with it. And then you discover your self-worth is intact.
It takes time to face that pain and sort it out. But running away from pain never works. You must stay in the trenches and deal with it. And then you discover your self-worth is intact.
Attitude adjustments take work and time. If you’ve told yourself “I’m worthless” for years, it may take time to believe otherwise. And then you will know your worth and smile deep down in your soul.
Be patient and gentle with yourself. You’re going to be okay.