Do You Know How Precious You Are?

Do you know how precious you are? If you’re like me, probably not. Or you sometimes forget. I barely know how precious I am. I catch glimpses of my precious heart once in a while. When I look sideways at myself from the corner of my eye and see a golden light that is so tender and sweet and me, then I remember and relax.

Banging my head on the wall day in day out when I want something badly, like a literary agent and a book deal, crying in frustration “Not enough!” is, I admit, a little embarrassing. God just laughs and says, “Oh Polly, you are too funny!”

Little peon me doesn’t know how bright and shiny she is. Bright and shiny, that’s me. And you too. But do we act like we believe this? No, we don’t. We whine and complain, saying, “I hate waiting! I hate trying! I hate persevering in the face of uncertainty!” Like an impatient, hungry, and angry kid who wants what she wants NOW!

I once waited 36 years for a dream to come true

Except, I once waited 36 years for a dream to come true—to move to the mountains. It was a long, long wait. While waiting I thought, if it’s meant to happen, it will. And it did. Same with my publishing dream. If it’s meant to come true, it will and my obsessing about it won’t make it happen any sooner.

So, my prayer today is, dear Lord, may I have the grace to be grateful for all that I have and all that I am learning. If it is meant to be, my publishing dream will come true. In the meantime, let me fully appreciate and enjoy with humility the dream that has already come true—my life here in the mountains, my good health, and my abundant blessings.

How to Make Polly’s To-Die-For Cinnamon Lovers Cinnamon Rolls

This post is not my usual fare. A Twitter follower asked me for my cinnamon rolls recipe, so here it is. And when I say to-die-for, I’m not kidding. These cinnamon lovers cinnamon rolls require almost a pound of butter. My husband is a cinnamon roll aficionado. He compares all cinnamon rolls to mine and says a couple have come close, but still aren’t as good as these. I make them one day ahead so they can rest unbaked overnight in the frig.

Day 1 Prep time including rising: 2-2 1/2 hours

Day 2 Rising & Bake time: 60 minutes.

Ingredients for Dough:

3 ½ teaspoons active dry yeast (not fast acting)

2 teaspoons sugar

1/3 cup warm water

1 cup buttermilk

1 ½ sticks salted butter (6 ounces)

½ cup sugar

5 cups unbleached all-purpose flour (not bread flour–too much gluten makes the dough too gooey.)

(1 teaspoon salt)

Ingredients for Cinnamon Filling and butter drizzle:

1 1/2 sticks salted butter (6 ounces), plus ½ cup melted butter for drizzle

1 1/2 cup packed light brown sugar

3/8 cup ground cinnamon (I think Saigon cinnamon is the best but not necessary)

1 tsp vanilla extract

Ingredients for Cream Cheese Frosting:

4 ounces cream cheese (1/2 block)

2/3 cup powdered sugar

1  teaspoons vanilla extract

Instructions:

Dissolve 2 tsp. sugar into 1/3 cup warm water. Sprinkle in 3 ½ tsp yeast. Stir gently just until dissolved. Let sit 10 minutes. Yeast should foam. If it doesn’t your yeast is old.

Meanwhile, melt 1 ½ sticks butter with ½ cup granulated white sugar and stir. When almost all the butter has melted, remove from heat. Let cool until not too hot for your finger, but still warm. In a separate measuring cup microwave 1 cup buttermilk 30 seconds. NO LONGER OR IT WILL CURDLE! All this bother is to keep the yeast happy and warm – not too hot, not too cold. Too hot, you’ll kill the active yeast, too cold, it won’t grow.

Bread Maker

If using a bread maker, which I highly recommend, pour the butter-sugar mixture into bread maker canister, add warmed buttermilk, then add the foaming yeast. Add 5 cups flour. Add ¼ tsp salt into four corners of the canister on top of the flour. Close lid. Select dough option on your bread maker. Start! Should take 1 ½ hours to knead and rise. Don’t over rise or you’ll have a mess on your hands.

Mix Master

If you don’t have a bread maker, then I hope you have a Mix Master. I have never made these rolls completely by hand. Do everything the same way. Use the blender blade until the dough is just mixed. It will be gloppy and sticky. You probably should add flour gradually and use the plastic guards that keeps the flour from spilling over the sides.

Change to the blade that looks like the letter ‘J’ and stir or knead for 5 minutes. Then take out the ball of dough and knead it on a lightly floured surface for a minute or so. It should be pliable, soft and elastic, not tough or stiff. Pour 1-2 tsp tasteless cooking oil like canola oil  into a ceramic or glass mixing bowl (metal bowl from the Mix Master will get too hot for yeast), place your dough ball in it, then turn it over so that the oily side is on top. Cover with wax paper and damp tea towel and place in a warm oven on top of a potholder so the bowl doesn’t touch the hot rack. Turn oven off. Check in a half hour or 45 minutes. If oven temp is too cool turn it back on a few seconds to warm the oven again. Just don’t let the oven get too hot or too cool. Let dough rise for a total of 90 minutes.

Cinnamon Paste

While the dough is rising, melt 1 1/2 sticks salted butter in a medium saucepan. Add brown sugar and cinnamon, and 1 tsp vanilla. Should make a spreadable paste. Let cool while dough is rising.

Rolling the Dough

When dough is ready, lightly flour a countertop and roll out dough into roughly an 11’’x 17” rectangle. It doesn’t need to be exact. Your dough should be elastic and easy to roll. If it’s hard and tough, something went wrong.

Stir cinnamon paste and spread evenly over the dough. After spreading the filling, you may want to let it set a half-hour to harden a bit. Otherwise, it may be so runny that when you start to roll the dough the filling gushes out the front and sides. Or it may have cooled enough already.

Starting at the narrow end, carefully curl the edge in and keep curling until you have a long log. Cinnamon paste may ooze. Measure 1 ½ inch portions and make a small slit with a sharp knife to mark the spot. Don’t cut all the way through. The first joint of my index finger is one inch, so it makes a perfect ruler. Then take a long piece of thread that doesn’t break easily, or maybe unflavored dental floss? and use that to cut the roll by sliding the thread under it and then bringing both ends up and crossing them to cut the roll into 1 ½ “ pieces. Do not use a knife to cut the roll or else the paste will squish out and the rolls will tear. Place each piece on your baking pan. (I spray my pan lightly.)

Don’t pack the rolls in too tightly. You may have to use a small extra pan. I usually do. I can fit eight rolls to an 8″ x 12″ metal pan.

Melt the remaining ½ stick of salted butter and drizzle it over the unbaked rolls. Cover and refrigerate overnight. (I’ve never baked the rolls without refrigerating them overnight, but I suppose you could just stick them in the oven if you want them right away.)

Baking and Cream Cheese Frosting Instructions:

Preheat oven to 350 degrees.

Take rolls out of the frig and let them sit uncovered at room temperature for 30 minutes. Place on middle rack in the preheated oven.

Bake for 30 minutes. If small pans hold only 4 rolls, bake 22 minutes and check.

Oven temperatures may vary, so keep an eye on them the first time you bake these. It’s okay to open the oven at, say 28 minutes for a look. Rolls should be golden brown like light brown sugar. Dark brown like dark brown sugar is overdone.

While rolls are baking, leave cream cheese uncovered at room temperature. When ready to eat rolls, microwave a 1/2 block of cream cheese 20 seconds, whip with hand mixer, add vanilla extract and powdered sugar, whip again. Voila!

Enjoy!

Writing Ambiguity Into Short Stories is a Terrific Thing

Nine women from my book club came over for dinner (salmon tacos with mango salsa). For dessert I read them my first anthologized short story, “Milk.” And then I listened and observed while they discussed it, uncovering insights and possibilities, each delving deeper into the story’s meaning.

And what fascinated me was that the story had a different meaning for each woman. One woman saw possibilities I hadn’t seen while writing it, and others saw completely different possibilities.

What I love about short story writing

That’s what I love about short story writing—you leave a gate open through which the reader can travel and take her own path, reach her own conclusions—the ones she needs to make. Ambiguity allows her to co-create with the author.